Has been a while since have been able to write. Guess every now and then, it becomes a habit, where if you take a break from putting up one’s thoughts, time flies. And before you know it a few months have passed off.
The last few months have been quite hectic with February finally being a very emotional month. It is always sad to lose some one and no matter what one says to some one who loses a near and dear one, that I understand how you feel, when it happens to us, only then we realize it’s impact.
For me, it was my Grandmother, who fell sick some where mid December and continued through into the next year, hospitalized. Being one who had never stepped into a hospital, except for probably a medical checkup once in a while, seeing her there was something that took away all words.
A person always on the move, always instructing people what to do, guiding her kids, daughter in law’s, grand kids, their wives what to do, how to do things, having an utter dislike for any one who would be lying down and being lazy, a person who believed that sleep was necessary to the extent it was needed, seeing her on a hospital bed, simply unable to move, suffering in pain, at the slightest touch, losing contact with reality and remembering family only vide their faces, having no knowledge of who was who, smiling like a new born baby, who sees all unknown people grinning at it, and simply returning a smile.. Simply speaking, it just broke the heart.
Seeing her each day, delving deeper into an abyss, was more painful than probably being cut with a knife. A knife wound would heal in an hour, the bleeding would stop, how does one stop a pain to the heart, which has no cuts, no blood loss and runs through the day, 24 by 7. Time they say is a healer, but seeing a loved one suffer day in day out, definitely does not heal, but wounds even more.
Saying goes, that before it is time, no one can come and no one can go, and I guess, it was simply a waiting game for all of us. While the mind thought that with treatment, my grandmother would get well and come home, the heart of course, felt otherwise. Seeing her suffering, the heart wished for peace, while at the same time, the mind saying, all will be well.
At the end, the heart prevailed, God was kind, and did not prolong the suffering more longer. Seeing her go, no doubt left shocks, but at the same time, the heart was at peace, that the suffering had ended. A soothing fact was that my Grand mom had lived a good life, right up to the end, and only during the final stage was her suffering hard.
As I look back on my Grand Mothers life of Nine Decades, I cannot but help wonder and compare. What all did she or her generation achieve, vs me / us. They struggled, endured partition, endured wars, brought up their kids, went through periods of true turmoils… We, stress, the desire to make more money, more properties, the greed to get more in the name of future generations, they, simply believing in making life worthwhile.. On a scale of 1 to 10, I think we are not even a 3.
Surely, time will fly, before long a few years / decades will pass by and our visiting rights to this place will also be over. All we will be is a photograph, a remembrance, but the difference would be, what would we have achieved by the time our time comes up.
In Memorium to my Grandmother, where ever she is.. Knowing her, she would be giving the Lord a few lessons in discipline.